Its times like this I miss my grandfather. I wish I had more time with him as an adult. I wish at this moment I could sit down and chat to him about my experiences, admit a couple of my fears that I keep at bay, tell him about people in my life that bring positivity or negativity, whisper my hopes and dreams to him. I miss him a lot. I know if he were here, he would email me something wise, which would make me think about my life and where I was heading.
Because I know its time, it has been a while; however, I am ready to start making some radical changes within myself again. Last time was 4 years ago it scared me when I started however as I began to change the way I live and viewed my life, I realise that I was becoming happier, stronger, lighter and developing a total belief in myself.
I really only realised tonight that I was going through another shall I dare say it transformation stage. I actually started this at the beginning of the year and so far, I have been pleasantly surprised. I have had a few disappointments however, I realise again that this is life’s way of making me adapt and learn something about myself.
Again, I make a mental promise to stay true to myself. I have no doubt that as the year progresses I will continue to adapt, listen to myself, as it has never failed me. I will continue to remove negativity from my life when it appears, as it effects me and maintaining my happiness is important to me. The moment I start ignoring, doubting and lying to myself I know I am in deep trouble.
The past is the past and once again, I have no desire to relive it. I have learnt from it and have no need to go back. Then there is the moment that I live in now. My future is undecided it is out there even if it is slightly scary and exciting. However, no matter what happens I have a complete faith in myself that I will be more than just fine.
To be sentimental the way I see it I have no doubt my grandfather is watching over me and guiding me in the right direction.
To Pa I should have told you more often in the last few years of your life what an impact you had on me.. Love you and miss you always.