How I Feel Today

Lately I’ve been reading how people have given up careers, started new business, studied and generally seem to have it together while either working full or part-time while raising kids or being a stay at home mum and still being able to start a business, change careers and study while raising kids.

I’m in awe, I must be missing something, I’m struggling to find time to study. While one sleeps the other is awake. If I’m not picking up after the men in my life I’m cooking, cleaning, washing, I hate vacuuming but seem to do it everyday and of course raking the fake grass outside from all the leaves that have dropped to the ground. And of course lets not forget attempting fail craft activities with Tornado.

I might not have had a high power job. But a part of me misses going to work. I was alway financially independent now I’m not. Sometimes this is very hard on my ego. And I worry I’ll become boring and unable to hold a conversations. And what happens if I’m unable to find a job when I return to work. Small worries as I know raising my little humans is far more important, even if some days it’s just hard.

I can’t help but think when do I get time for me… I can’t even remember the last time I actually had a conversation with my hubby that lasted longer than 5 minutes. As I said I’m in awe at how people manage their time, because I feel like I’m failing.

So at the moment I’m trying to gather every bit of mental & physical strength to finish off the day.. I’m looking around my place I see every book on the floor that has been pulled out of the bookcase. The kitchen pantry destroy and scattered all over the kitchen floor. A basket of clean clothes which needs to be folded. Tornado thought it was a great landing pad to jump into from the couch. A failed craft attempt dumped on the floor.

And all I can think off is crap my day started at 330am with Mini Nunes 2 needing a feed and nappy change who finally fell back asleep at 5. Tornado waking at 400am to be fed. I was back in bed by 5.05 and was able to sleep until 845am . However I’ve been pooped and vomited on today changed my clothes and Mini Nunes 2 clothes twice and I know I probably won’t be in bed till 11pm.

Somedays are just hard, but I know or I hope that the light at the end of the tunnel will come sooner rather than later.

Posted in Me

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